In memory

Sunday, February 22, 2008 marked 7 years since the death of my brother, Shawn. People say that "it gets easier with time", but I'm not so sure. In some ways, it has gotten easier...I don't cry myself to sleep at night; I can talk about Shawn - & even his death - without completely breaking down (most of the time). But, in other ways, it's actually gotten harder. With each passing year, it's been even longer since I've seen his smile, heard his laugh, felt his hug, gotten a goofy voicemail from him, been mocked by him for something "blonde" I said or did. And so, with each passing year, my heart aches to see him even more.
Life made more sense to me with Shawn in it. There was someone else in this world whose mind seemed to work just like mine; who had the same sense of humor; who understood my heartfelt love for country music...yes, it may seem dumb to anyone else, but there's a feeling there that is hard to explain, and...he got it. Life just doesn't make as much sense to me anymore, and sometimes that makes me really sad.
But I've realized that while life is different now, it's still good. Through losing Shawn, I've learned what is truly important to me, & to let go of what isn't. I've learned to be more careful with the feelings of the people I love; to spend as much time with my family as possible; to be open to possibilities.
And most importantly, I know that my precious brother is in heaven, and my heart rejoices to know I'll see him again.